Summer is here! That means it’s time for barbecues, sandals and sundresses. White pants make their seasonal return, or if you’re like me, black leggings continue their strong, year long presence. Most importantly, it’s time for warm weather and the beach! Every year a million articles are spawned reminding us of the dangers of the sun and proper sun-care techniques to employ so I’ve decided to get in on the action.
In honor of Wedding Season being upon us I put together my best bridesmaid advice. I’ve been involved in a few weddings and often wondered was there actually a point to being in all these weddings if I couldn’t make a listicle out of it? Love, friendship, happiness, memories etc. my friends replied! Listicle only, I declared! So behold my
9 Tips Spectacular, Unparalleled Advice for Being a Bridesmaid.
My adventure in internet listicles got me thinking about Massachusetts/New England based listicles in general. As one does, I initiated an in depth search to see which topics came up repeatedly and if they were accurate. One that appears a lot is Dunkins (Government Name: Dunkin’ Donuts).
It always appears as a brief statement expressing a generic love of Dunkins. But lets be honest! People don’t simply love Dunkins implying they are one thing and Dunkins is apart from them, it actually exists as part of the fiber of their being. When passing a Dunkins in a different state you know it’s unofficially a Massachusetts State Embassy and you just flash your license and you’re permitted to cut everyone in line (I think).
Recently a friend informed me her family doesn’t do Easter baskets anymore because she just doesn’t like the candy that much. I was confused and thought a) WHAT and b) you don’t pre-coordinate with your mom to make sure she only chooses candy you like? Isn’t that what all adults do?
After eating a lot of pre-coordinated candy on Easter I naturally fell into a sugar-induced, early sleep. I awoke on Monday, the day that traditionally marks the beginning of another week of attempting to eat healthy. If anything, falling at the beginning of the week makes Mondays the most successful day because you have the most healthy reserve. However, this Monday I awoke to a bounty of Easter candy and leftover cakes in every direction the eye could see.
In the dining room giant chocolate rabbits peeked out from under a mountain of croissants and cookies. In the kitchen two half eaten cakes stood side by side. Looking around frantically it occurred to me–it all has to go, but a healthy does of Catholic guilt and a bit of sugar addiction made this hard. Staring at my bounty of candy and goods I began to think.
Occasionally New England based articles flutter across my Facebook feed. Usually I don’t click them, but I guess today I was seeking validation of my geographic identity. It’s like do I even live here? I’m not sure, maybe this listicle can tell me.
So today in a weak moment I clicked on 15 Things You Shouldn’t Say To Bostonians. I know having any standards for internet listicles is only asking for disappointment, but I have to draw your attention to #7:
“You must eat so much clam chowder”
Listen, I don’t like to speak in absolutes, I like ambiguity, gray areas, and plot lines left open to subtle interpretation. That being said, I feel I can speak conclusively for the entire the world and everyone in recorded history when I say, without a doubt, no one has ever said “ You must eat so much clam chowder” to someone from Boston, or nay! to any other human being at all.