Important Takeaways from the DNC

DNC

The Democratic National Convention is over! In celebration here are some important takeaways from the DNC (Important Takeaways from the 1.5 hours of the DNC I watched):

History is Made

Hillary became the first woman nominated by a major political party for President. This means, hopefully, Hillary’s photo will soon hang next to 42 guys that look like this:

The Third Clinton

Chelsea Clinton spoke in a sweet, I’m the Maid-of-honor-not-accustomed-to-public-speaking type of way.  I made this reference to my family and then paused to add–except when the Maid of Honor is me, because I crushed that shit and only mentioned dinosaurs like, one time.

Speaking Of

Chelsea, Triceratops are clearly not the friendliest dinosaur.  Have you even seen The Land Before Time?  Cera has a borderline personality disorder, if anything it’s the Brontosaurus.

Chelsea

I really don’t have a problem with Chelsea Clinton despite the prior two entries on this list.  She is welcome for dinner at my house any time.

Hilly

We learned Katy Perry calls Hillary “Hilly.”  That’s fine Katy, but we all know her cool nickname is Hil.

Pant Suits Have I Loved

THAT WHITE PANT SUIT: Millard Fillmore wishes he could’ve pulled off an all-white pant suit!

 

Hillary and Bill are the Power Couple of Our Time.

And yes! I say this in a year that Beyoncé crafted an hour long, cinematic emotional response to Jay-Z cheating.  Then he was permitted to make a brief appearance at the end of said video so Beyoncé could reinforce who wears the pants  diamond-studded, pleather jeggings in that relationship.  However, there’s still only one power couple who have both sat in the Situation Room– and that’s Hil & Bill.  Having your husband, who is also a former President, give a 45-minute ode to your leadership abilities on the same day you were nominated for President, is the greatest power couple move of all time.

In short, Hillary and Bill are my relationship goals.  I want my husband and I to sleep in different bedrooms, but share a plethora of well-crafted suits, similar Geo-political values and a thirst for power. 

 

No One Will Wear First Gentleman as Well as Bill.

 

BALLOONS!

I’ve never seen such pure, unadulterated joy.

 

I hope if she wins in November they budget for balloons again.

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