Occasionally New England based articles flutter across my Facebook feed. Usually I don’t click them, but I guess today I was seeking validation of my geographic identity. It’s like do I even live here? I’m not sure, maybe this listicle can tell me.
So today in a weak moment I clicked on 15 Things You Shouldn’t Say To Bostonians. I know having any standards for internet listicles is only asking for disappointment, but I have to draw your attention to #7:
“You must eat so much clam chowder”
Listen, I don’t like to speak in absolutes, I like ambiguity, gray areas, and plot lines left open to subtle interpretation. That being said, I feel I can speak conclusively for the entire the world and everyone in recorded history when I say, without a doubt, no one has ever said “ You must eat so much clam chowder” to someone from Boston, or nay! to any other human being at all.